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A CHRISTMAS SONG

Please note that this content is sexually explicit. We recommend that you should not read this content if you are offended by sexually explicit material.

Santa is a reprobate a drunken fat old git

Folk think he gives them presents, but that’s a heap of shit.

Santa gives them nothing and proving it’s not hard

Every present that you get is charged to someone’s card.

Santa makes you buy crap stuff that folk don’t want or need

He’s made Christmas synonymous with avarice and greed

Its time we gave up Santa, kicked the habit like a drug

Let’s celebrate this Christmas by just giving friends a hug.

Santa works one night a year. He’s a drunken lazy bastard

When he’s not in a whorehouse he’s out boozing getting plastered

He pimps the elves and fairies but if Johns want something stranger

Santa can arrange for them to fuck a dwarf or reindeer.

Santa makes you buy crap stuff that folk don’t want or need

He’s made Christmas synonymous with avarice and greed

Its time we gave up Santa, kicked the habit like a drug

Let’s celebrate this Christmas by just giving friends a hug.

He gets young women pregnant. Santa fills them up with spunk

After Christmas parties when he fucks them while they’re drunk

If you’re born late September time just think about it maybe

If you don’t look much like your Dad, you could be Santa’s baby.

Santa makes you buy crap stuff that folk don’t want or need

He’s made Christmas synonymous with avarice and greed

Its time we gave up Santa, kicked the habit like a drug

Let’s celebrate this Christmas by just giving friends a hug.

© 2012 John McKelvie

John McKelvie is a Melbourne poet and singer-songwriter who was born in Scotland a long time ago. He came to Australia in 1988 after falling in love with a Melbourne girl (his wife Lyn) and can generally be found propping up the bar at the Dan Poets.

He might be considered one of the elder statesmen of the Melbourne poetry scene if there was anything statesmanlike about him. He has a fixation with the dark side of Santa.